When to go Commando?

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CAN’T SEE THE LINES CAN YOU?

Lululemon has taken a batch of Luon fabric yoga pants off the shelves because of a “manufacturing glitch”, customers claimed to see through them yet American Eagle just purposefully put on their shelves in the same week the “skinny skinny jean” which is actually not a jean but denim paint you spray on your naked butt (and front no less) to look like you are wearing jeans?

Both of the commando controversies raise their own set of questions- yet both options, one being put on the shelves and one being taken off,  leave me wondering where most women stand (or sit uncomfortably) on this matter?  When to go commando?

Let’s not even get into the hygiene of the spray jean, what happens when you have to use the restroom or the reality of what these look like on a man walking towards you sporting the “spray”…. but what happens if it rains while you are out?  Would you get an indecent exposure citation from the Po-Po??  The yogi’s complaining about their pants being see-through while they sweat it out at least didn’t go into it willingly and are in a studio- yet the “to thong” or “not to thong” question does come into play…

Certain dresses for sure can barely handle perfume under them, let alone a thong – talk about having friends in low places, maybe that’s what Garth Brooks meant?  Why do kids spend so much time talking about bully’s giving wedgies when women willing give themselves one for hours at a time?  Do you wear a thong under yoga wear and everything or do you simply go comando…..no judgement of course!

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Lululemon Sheer Yoga Pant

Here is the American Eagle Outfitters Ad video:

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Until our closets meet again, Keep Calm and Carry a Better Handbag!  Virtual Kisses!

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Babes That Brunch

Forget the girls night, or a ladies lunch, we are all about the “babes that brunch”!  The best invention, not an early morning wake up call, not starving until noon to have a good lunch, the perfect in between served with just the right amount of bubbly!

Now it’s not just about the bubbly, yes the Mimosa’s and Kir Royals are my weaknesses, I am the first to admit, but brunch also is about the fashion.  If DVF makes a “Mimosa Clutch” (see above photo), then it is clearly a well known fact that to fashionistas, brunch is just a mini runway show full of great daytime bags, shoes and outfits.  Brunch unlike a lady’s lunch doesn’t not have a stereotype; we do not judge we will take jeans with great heels, we will take a dress, we will even take shorts and a killer blazer and bag, because at brunch we unite.

When the babes brunch there are no men, the conversation has no limits as well as the time so stay and giggle over another mimosa and feel the fever of Spring!

This Spring if it comes in like a lion, it is going out like a cow….the warm weather leather is super this year as are the florals (but not together)!  I tend to shy away from the floral as it reminds me a bit of Little House on the Praire or Laura Ashley but when mixed with the bold colors I can feel it.  I am crushing over the new flat-forms this season as it is the short girls dream daytime shoe, similar to the throwback WonderBra, it’s a lot-o-lift without all the commitment.  Stiletto’s are “still” in of course as I doubt they will ever go out of style being how much men love them.  Most historians (and Kyle’s husband on RHOBH) note Napoleon Bonaparte invented the high heel, not because he was short or loved women in them, but because he was obsessed with thinking his own calves looked great and he thought the arch would make them look bigger and better…..On the other hand, the reason why today “men find high heels sexy is because it induces the arched back posture animals naturally show when having sex”…… yep that quote was not from my husband but the oh so reliable source of:  What The F*** Facts @WhatTheFFacts

To eat or not to eat, that is the question, and the answer is a babes brunch!

Until our closets meet again- Keep Calm and Carry a better CLUTCH (the “Mimosa” by DVF also comes in Black, a gorgeous Citron, color block…)

Click the bag below to see other Mimosa’s Saks is carrying

Click the link to view my brunch OOTD  Me Going to Brunch Video  Virtual Kisses!

 

 

 

 

 

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Got Milk?

It’s like the pink elephant in the room,  we all want to say it:  ”That child really doesn’t “go” with her outfit!”  I mean really, this takes “bold statement piece” to a whole new level.  A choker maybe, a big belt to break up the all black or maybe even a bright colored structured bag but a 3 year old boy latched on to the ta-ta’s?  Nope, not this season, not next season either for that matter- someone get this kid a juice box!

This cover will hit newsstands and grocery store checkout lanes in just days (May 20), let the Momarazzi’s,  Alpha Moms, MILF’s, Helicopters and Cougars have a field day with this!  My 5 & 10 year old will most definitely see it and stare- maybe ask, “Mom what is that little boy doing?” and I have the option of taking the high road:

A. “Oh, to each their own.  That is a mom that thinks she is doing what is right for her child and breastfeeding him”

or the road walked in red soles (aka by Jill):

B.  ”Oh, that is a mom that decided to put a picture of her child latched on to her breast, on the cover of a national magazine and thus turning the child 50 Shades of Grey“.

More like 50 shades of GROSS, will undoubtably be what my children leave with but my guess is by the time they get home the image will be forgotten.  The rest of us however are not that lucky so in order to cope I am going to wear my rose colored Gucci sunglasses and work her outfit for SPRING 2012~

SHOES:  This outfit needs a great pair of Choo’s not Boobs,  but never judge until you have walked in her “Man o Blahmilk“s. Unfortunately the only thing I am feeling is UGG.

BAG:   The breast bag for this outfit is a cross body boy/bag by YSL (Your So Lucky-  she must save a fortune on store bought Organic milk).

OUTFIT:  You’ll have nipple envy over a new “Armomi” Blazer, maybe switch out the leggings for a pair of Naked and Famous Denim Jeans.

UNDERPINNINGS:  Boy shorts of course by La Perla and some SPANX.

PRODUCT:  Cans of Molten Brown Milk Bath, More Than a Mouthful of Dior Addict Lip Gloss, and of course she needs to pump- Lip Pump by Boobi Brown.

Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag but not a 3 year old boy!                                                                                      xoxo

Boobies, Boobs, Breasts, Ta-Ta’s, Cans, GaZoombas, Hooters…..please feel free to add others in the comment section so I can add them to the list!

Closet additions for Spring:

Click Image for Jimmy Choo's

Click for Blahnik's

Click for Gucci sunglasses



Click for Armani Jacket

Click for Naked and Famous Denim jeans for your Christian Grey

Click for La Perla Bra

Click for La Perla Boy Shorts

Click for SPANX bust body suit

Click for Molten Brown Milk Luxury

Click for Dior Addict

Click for Lip Gloss (add to middle of bottom lip to appear more pumped)

Click for YSL little boy BLUE nails

Click for YSL Bag

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Pumped Up Kicks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More is Better -is this true when it comes to shoes?  High heels are a symbol or power, fashion and height but with this new found statue come several caveats, the biggest one being YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO WALK IN THEM!

Recently we attended a wedding and although I can completely appreciate the attempt made by the bridesmaids wearing Christian Louboutin’s (pronounced “lou bu tahn” not be confused with “Louis Vuitton”) so we could see the red soles as they walked the aisle, it was unmistakably obvious, they didn’t know how to walk in them.  If you picture this: an Olympic ski jumper, his stiff body as he flies through the air, but in an Ann Taylor dress?  Yes the all too familiar; leaning forward to overcompensate the height of the shoes or the walk resembling my 11 month old nephew as he learns how to walk or the “duck butt” as my Yoga instructor calls it, where one sticks out the butt to get better balance, are all red flags for the red soled shoes to be returned.

Not everyone has the same feet, so clearly not everyone was meant to strut down 5th Avenue like Carrie Bradshaw.  Most of us take an Excedrin every time we put on heels and praise the man who invented the platform shoe.  Truth be told, I ran around NYC and airports in high heels for almost 10 years, clearly I have broken-in my feet (and thus broken my feet in the process!) but still I know my dogs limits.

Another site-ing, while in Vegas sitting in the VIP section of the Bellagio (apparently in July when no one in their right mind goes to the desert, buying a bottle of VQ gets you in!) my husband and I “people watched” and again were shocked by the girls falling around in good shoes.  When good shoes go bad it’s sad, I felt sorry for the shoes not for all the girls in the pumped up kicks!  It was truly painful to watch (so I simply ordered another bottle to get through it) and vowed to stay under 4inches, it’s just not fair to the shoes!

I don’t want to discourage great shoe wearing by any means, but we need to focus on what works for us or the state-ment ends up being a state-not.  It’s like a great dress that is too tight or a top that doesn’t fit right, “if the shoe fits” doesn’t necessarily mean wear it regardless!  You don’t buy a new car without test driving it, so take a fabulous looking pair of shoes to the carpet and do a lap, if it looks like you’re going to fall in someone’s lap don’t lay down the plastic!  Runway shoes are called that for a reason, they look great on the runway but might make you want to run way far away from them on the street.  One bad spill and you’ll be fashion road kill!

Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag…xoxo

Our latest video shows some ways to rock some great shoes with a LBD:

www.youtube.com/coffeeorchampange

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Momma Needs a New Pair of Choo’s

When is too much, too much?  Can a woman be both fashionista and mom?  I have for years sworn, even cursed the 20 year olds that tried to prove otherwise but today I am teetering…..

For Christmas I got a Jimmy Choo coffee band, yes a coffee band.  The band, not to be confused with a cuff bracelet, but truly if you saw this in my pantry you would think one of my kids was being funny by hiding an accessory in the kitchen!  A lovely “Hermes Orange” croc leather 3-inch apparatus costing $165 now adorns my morning travel “cup of Jill”.  As if I wasn’t already annoyingly avoiding the customary spills while drinking coffee in an SUV but now I have the added pressure of a minute drip of sienna coveting my virgin orange wrap posing as a bracelet on my travel coffee cup!

Yes I live and breathe fashion, spend more money on my shoes than groceries and fawn all over my In Style and Vogue as if they were on the New York Times Best Sellers List but do I scream out “high maintenance” fashionista mom?  Apparently I do?!  10 years ago in Manhattan I may have carried this but realistically 10 years ago in Manhattan I would have exchanged it towards a new pair of “Choos”, what has changed so much that I think I can carry this off?  I’ll tell you, we are moms, we have seen the strings behind the puppet show, and nothing phases us!  We have changed numerous poopy diapers, been thrown up on, yelled louder than we knew we had in us, juggled more in one day than a man can in an entire year and been talked back to by the sweet little things we sweated over for hours in a delivery room!

The song says “I am Woman hear me roar”, where is the song “I am MOM- hear me scream”?  There are the little fashion challenges/nuances like wearing heels while carrying a small child that has fallen asleep (talk about balancing act), a great handbag that now has unidentified stains inside it and sweaters that have been stretched in unnatural places…..but then there are the major signs someone has bestowed upon me that should have had me running for the Ann Taylor hills and forgoing my champagne tastes:

a Burberry melamine cuff bracelet my then 1 year old somehow managed to flush down the toilet,

a Kate Spade organizer she mistook as her coloring book (yes EVERY page),

an Anna Sui gown my other daughter thought to pick the grommets off to glue on her own baby dolls’ dress,

the time I was trying on a never worn silk Chloe dress that needed to be returned when she ran up to give me a sweet hug only to realize her hands had Play dough grease all over

or

the time I found the same noted daughter with a red Sharpie coloring the bottom of a pair of Louboutin’s because “the red is coming off mommy”!

I have earned this coffee cuff…and I will damn well carry it!

Happy Fashionable New Year!  Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag!  xoxo

(Note: by the time this article went to press the editor returned cuff and put towards a pair of 5 inch croc Choo stilettos.  You can take the mom out of Manhattan but not the Manhattan out of the mom!)

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Bootie Call

Wonder how it is that you have avoided the purchase of a pair of booties and they are still hot this year?  What you’re too school for cool?  This is your Bootie Call…start getting Pink with envy because literally these foot covers are a game changer, what I mean by game changer is they can change a closet llke no other item.  I always talk about items you need & items that will make an outfit but this one pair of shoes actually changes your closet and the way you look at that old tired pair of skinny jeans, leggings, dress and even shorts!  Literally take an old dress you haven’t worn in ages and picture it with a pair of booties, it’s good, yes?  YES!  Like I said; game changer, deal closer, seal the deal, genie in a closet!

Update your boot”uior”

Boots are a wonderful thing, I tell you I have 14 pairs!  Great boots can last a lifetime, one pair, my cowboy boots, I have had since my daddy gave me them Christmas 1992 (he was hoping I would rope my own cowboy), the “if you WEAR, it they will come” theory…nope married a wanna be cowboy in a Brooks Brothers suit, but that’s another story for another time!  Let’s Boot Scoot Boogie (oh ya I’m bringing that one out from the days of line dancing) down the boot isle this season:

Indulge your softer side

So you have a lot of boots? Think you have them all?  What about some soft suede full on platform boots now that’s what I’m talking!  Suede in the form of a platform bootie or over the knee boot….. Sergio Rossi gray ones, “you had me at hello”!

Gain an Edge

Can’t walk steady in anything over 3 inches or married a gorgeous SHORT man?  The low wedge boot is calling your name!  The low and higher wedge come in every version from the over the knee suede boot to the low leather bootie…the wedge fits all occasions including a knee version tucked with skinny jeans but also look fabulous with a pencil skirt or dress!  So don’t jump off the wedge just yet…

She’s got High Hopes

“Jack, Jill up in the big girl shoes”..sometimes yes Bigger IS Better!  Oh don’t be a heel, I was only talking boots not boobs!  The high boots are wonderful because most of them have a hidden platform at the base saving you a good couple inches of foot pain…or make Excedrin your new BFF!

Bootielicious

The fact that I can look fashionable during a monsoon, with Hunter wellies or Michael Kors rain boots is new and oh so cool!  Every designer is making a pair of galoshes these days and they rock like my Dr. Martens did in college (did I just admit that?)  Here’s another piece of history that should stay in the past with my Dr.M’s, rain boots used to be called “rubbers” hehe                                                                                                                 *BTW Dr. Martens are back and bedazzled now with Swarovski embellishments!

Walk this way

Boots look great with bare legs and with opaque tights, boots used to be thought of as totally utilitarian; workmen and cowboys only, but the power of a boot to an outfit is statement.  High heels may have the lady like market cornered but boots have power, they pack a punch , no Uggs do not pack a punch, they are for comfort only and my 4 year old wears them with her pj’s….this is not a fashion statement it is laziness.  Of course I own 3 pairs and wear them to run errands and in carpool line…no judgement, we are human and it’s fun to be lazy (and warm) sometimes!  That being said, have you seen the new Jillian Uggs?  Oh ya even Uggs makes a hybrid boot ( ½  comfort ½ leather & with a heel) and no I don’t just like it because it’s my namesake, this boot puts Baby in a corner!

So shake your bootie down to the store or on-line and start seriously considering a game changer, initiate your own bootie call
!  Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag xoxo

Get Booted Out for Cheating (Boot Cheat Sheet)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Click here Sexy Cowgirl

Cowboy Boots:  a must have year round essential part of any gals closet.  Cowboy boots are tough, come in many versions of leather and color but consistently have a 1.5-2 inch chunk heel.  Best worn with jeans but the occasional coming out with the right mid length skirt is sometimes needed (when in the cowboy states)

Click here

Equestrian Boots: a must have year round essential for any true Virginia or Kentucky natives but a fall statement everywhere.  With a pair of leggings or skirt/dress these low to no heel high riding boots are comfortable with style.  To dress them up go from a typical leather to a patent leather!

Burberry Rain Boots

Rain Boots (Wellies): a must have year round essential for London and Seattle natives but a rainy or snowy day fashion statement for the rest of us.  When something waterproof is needed this is the way to still carry off anything casual without ruining a great pair of leather shoes and many designers make them with a wedge heel to give you a lift!

Booties: a reason for this blog, as it has become a fashion staple beginning last season with no end in sight.  When an outfit needs a update, when a dress or pencil skirt need an urban feel this is your bootie call!  Short gals listen closely, sometimes high boots cut off too much of the leg and give the appearance of choppiness and the low boot helps even out the playing field…tall gals, you will just rock them in general!  Booties come in more varieties then classic boots, not only different heel heights, but they can range anywhere from the ankle to mid shin, they are game changers in suede, patent, cage, fur, embroidered, studded even leopard hair.

Click Wedge Here

Over the Knee Boots: hot, tall, drink of water here.  These were strategically engineered to be higher in the front and lower in the back for comfort so no worry there they only alert here is the short gal theory (see above) but are made for leggings, skirts and dresses

Click Here (you knee"d" these!)

Knee Boots:  an must have essential for any fashion loving girl.  These a are best worn with….EVERYTHING!

Click here

Shin Boots:  not an essential but when or why would that stop you?  Bought my first pair this year, a pair of Prada’s that aren’t too shin hugging allowing me to tuck skinny jeans or leggings in but put the “pow” in a WonderWoman sort of way (although not red like hers) into a plain subtle dress

Biker Boots:  not an essential but well worth the investment for under jeans in the winter when Uggs are too Uggs , heels too cold, wellies too casual and you just want a black pair of ass kicking boots! 

Stacked Heel Boots:   A gorgeous contribution to this years fall lines and haven’t made an appearance in a while in my closet, so I’m ready to pull mine back out from 2002!  About every 10 years this one resurfaces, as this style comes and goes with the wind, if you’re on a budget a stacked heel boot is not in it for the long haul but beautiful during it’s running

Uggs:  Now we have talked about this before, I am a wishy washy one on a see-saw over this one.  I am bothered by their constant appearance in airports coupled with sweat pants stating the attention grabbing texts: “PINK” or “JUICY” in the most obvious of locations but…….there are so many new styles of these “all winter” boots where days in the dead of winter when they call to me for their comfort, warmth and effectiveness!  Yes it’s an essential part of any girls closet, where the temperatures idle in the mid 30′s for more than 1 month (but I draw the line at them being paired with anything other that jeans!)

UGG that & a bag of chips!

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Fall Fashion Closet Editor

Fall in Love Again! (with the clothes already in your closet) and become your own Closet Editor.  If Spring has “spring cleaning” then Fall has; “fall editing”!  Before you go out and tackle the depths of department stores, battle the boutiques and weed the websites, for your Fall Fashion finds, take stock of what’s going on in your own cave of wonders closet!

The ABC and D’s of closet editing:

AA   Alcohol’s Alright!  Make it fun and GAG (grab a glass) of bubbly, even play some tunes and be “wrong in all the right ways”!!!!

BYOB   Bring Your Own Basics!  Pull out everything white, black, grey and brown

CC   Cool Collage!  Cut out every fab outfit from magazines you like and stick on a cork board or over an old framed picture and put it IN YOUR CLOSET.  Do not put pictures of stuff you want to buy (and this is not a ” shopping hint” for hubby  ) this is a place for outfits, as in looks already put together head to toe.

DD Do some Digging!  Before you do some serious pocketbook damage-  find old leather jackets, furs, fur trims, leather or burgundy items, pumps, pashminas, scarfs and hose/tights you put at the back of the drawer and bring them all back to life!

Give your clothes some breathing room!  A cluttered closet will only frustrate you and the clothes (in the form of wrinkles and wrinkles are not good ANYWHERE) start by pulling out the key pieces.  Consider adding more hooks to create looks, another bar will take you far or ask your husband if he can simply move all his suits and shoes to that little ole linen closet just down the hall and to the left, around the corner (but ask while wearing only….a smile)

10 Key Pieces every closet needs before shopping for Fall Fashion items:

The Perfect 10 Fall Pieces Video

 

 

 

 

 

1. Tie One On – ok you’ve already had bubbly, so now we’re talking scarves!  Bring back the Pashmina, no not around the arms like a little old lady, as a thick layered look!  Try this lightweight one full of all this seasons colors @ http://www.UncommonGoods.com

Click HERE for more original gifts from Uncommon Goods

2.  Pencil Me In – pencil skirt in black is a must but grey or brown are runner ups

3.  Get a Handle on Things – a handled bag, very Grace Kelly and very Fall 2011~

Click here for THE BAG

4.  Get Pumped! -  a great pair of classic pumps will not only get you through the season but many more to come!  Nude, Black, Grey or Brown, in patent or classic leather give yourself a foot lift!

5.  Panting? - over some slimming black leggings or straight leg trousers, the biggest necessity for fall – um EVERY YEAR!

6.  Need a Spank? – Get into some Spankx, reality, there isn’t a woman out there that doesn’t NEED a pair of these!  This season opagues are great under every dress and skirt!

7.  Use White Out – when in doubt, grab a white oxford with jeans and a great chocker!!!  Trust me on this!

8.  Perfect to a T! - The classic t shirt in white, black and grey work under a blazer with a skirt or jeans and never goes out of style…try http://www.StyleMint.com for the perfect one sent to you every month!

9.  LBD….if you don’t get it, then you don’t get it!

Click Here for this little black number

10. That’s a Wrap! - Wrap sweaters are in the third season running with no finale in sight, from LA light weight to Alaska full on fur….don’t be left out in the cold without this one!

Fall Fashion can be hard even for the most seasoned fashionista to navigate, get a map to your own closet first to find out what you already have that are key for fall, simply breathe and re”boot”….Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag  xoxo

 

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Pippa is Hippa!

                                                  Pip Pip Hooray!

The most coveted looks this season are not from the Hilton sisters, not the Olsen twins and certainly not the Ashley and Jessica Simpson…..but yes the dynamic style duo of Pippa and Kate! To offset my obsession with FALL 2011 in the middle of August, I had to put all Fall copies of W, Harpers Bazar, InStyle and Vogue in my freezer (where yes I hide things I cannot deal with…Crocks, hair scrunchies, college logo sweatshirts and cookie dough) to ease the temptation of jumping the gun and sporting fall before Labor Day (oh the travesty!) To keep my mind off Fall I have been channeling (not obsessing, there is a difference!) both Pippa and Kate….     did I mention I started speaking with a British accent!? Too much?

KEEPING UP WITH THE MIDDLETON’S

The 3/2 combo (3 items the 2 sisters have put on the map!)

1.  The form fitting, I’ll never enjoy a bowl of icing again,          SHEATH DRESS

2.The high heel, I’ll be buying Costco bottles of Excedrin,    PUMPS

3.  The colorless, I’ll never show my colorless bum again after I caught hubby gawking at Kate’s when her skirt went flying up, NUDE SHOES, BAGS AND HOSIERY (oh don’t get me started on the hose ….see 2 columns ago!)

CLick here for THE BAG

CLick for the OTHER TOTE

The Tote, by Tom Hayley $455

CLick here for THE DRESS

 

 

 

The other Tote, by Marc Jacobs $498

 

 

 

 

The Dress, by Chloe $295

CLick here for THE DRESS

The Other Dress, by Akris $900

CLick here for THE PUMPS

The Shoes, by Michael Kors  $265

The Glasses, by Calvin Klein $210

Talley Ho my good friends, now bugger off to your flat and carry a better handbag (no way I can carry on with this!)  Until our closets meet again….xoxo

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She’s Got Legs…and She Knows How to Use Them!

Let’s talk studs, sluts and when to keep your legs closed…did I mention this was a fashion blog?

I heard the term “Crossed Legs Movement” and what brought to mind were questions like: Can crossing your legs too much cause varicose veins behind the knees?  Does anyone else get bothered when men sit and cross like us?  Why is it no one talks about the sweat that builds up between our legs in a dress when we cross?  How many times is it ok to switch which leg crosses over which side during one dinner?  When riding passenger in someone else’s car do you cross at the ankles vs knees, do you turn toward the window or turn towards the driver?  All good questions we never talk about but here is what the C.L.M really is:

The “Crossed Legs Movement,” women withholding sex — and, in turn, avoiding pregnancy — until the government provides safer access to other towns within the province of Barbacoas, Colombia, the hold out has been going for over 30 days. They are banning sex from the town to accomplish their own political objective: better, safer roads to less rural areas to avoid dangerous travels through violent, politically volatile areas.  This makes a statement with the body, and you know I am ALL ABOUT the statement, mine is usually in the form of feet (for high heels), legs (for the pencil skirt) and arms (for handbags) but the anatomy…humm something to ponder!

Yet another form of bodily threat has been brought to my attention called “SlutWalks”, no not strutting in low cut, high skirts for attention but women engaged in the walks to fight against sexual violence, another form of the stand off aimed to use a woman’s anatomy as a scare tactic.

Really we may be on to something here:

No boots? Then no boobs!  No shoes? I’ll snooze!  No dress?  No un-dress!  No handbag…um really I could find a good one with the “hand” metaphor but I would like to keep this piece R not X!  Am I suggesting holding out on your stud for that new studded Jimmy Choo handbag….well if the shoe fits….I’d buy it!

You know I aim to keep you informed on both material and global tactics, closet and current events so until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag!

Virtual kisses

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Fashion Police Report

WARNING                      Post Rated R                                                                    Restricted (the fashion  conscious)                                                                                       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nude Hose, A Royal Pang?

I did believe until recently, the only people still buying pantyhose were either wearing them over their heads to attempt a robbery or Miss Daisy as she is gets chauffeured around by Morgan Freeman, apparently not!   Kate Middleton, aka my new fashion fascination (can’t we adopt her as our first lady?) has been spotted & photographed on numerous occasions wearing hose this summer, is it royal protocol or a new UK trend coming soon to a country near you?  The only hose at my house is attached to the outside and has water flowing though it, not to my panties….laws were passed, real laws regarding hose..Texas and Florida started it.  An employer used to require hose and now because it’s hotter then Haiti in a pair of them they cannot (unless you work at HOOTERS).  I say it should be against the law to wear them!

Fashion Police Interrogation:

Should Anyone Wear Nude Nylons?  If you’re 80 and on your way to church!  Sorry Kate!

What Is a Long Skirt Called and Can Everybody Wear Them?  “Maxi” as in pad…need I say more

Can Everybody Wear Skinny Jeans?  Yes, especially when you buy them 3 sizes too small!

Does “Black Tie” Mean Tuxedo Only?  Do flats look good on short people?

Does a Silver Tie Go With a Blue Shirt?  Silver tie, it’s the statement ring of the blue shirt (in New Jersey and on Soprano’s reruns).

Should You Wear Sexy Clothing to Work? Absolutely and the Want Ads as a clutch!

Can Big Busted Girls Wear Strapless Dresses?  If the “cans” are members of a support group!

Is There an Ugg Boot Season?  Yes the season when the temperature is below 50 degrees in your igloo!

Does Twiggy Design Clothes?  Don’t be a skinny hater!

Can a Trench Coat Be Used As a Dress?  Abso-trench-a-lutely, but see a seamstress to avoid the “I see London, I see France’s”

Can Grey Shoes Go With Everything? Only if you suffer from Dyslexia (all color shoes go with grey not the reverse)

What Is a Neck Tie With Cords Called?  ”1984″ calling and they want Alex P Keaton back

In What Unit of Measurement Are Shoe Sizes Measured?  10ftx10ft (with double doors) and ample shelving

Should Men’s Fashion Include Undershirts?  It’s male payback, you don’t have enough laundry to do, why not add 5 more shirts/week to the basket?

Don’t force me into making a citizen arrest….you all know I’ll do it!                                       Until our closets meet again, keep calm and carry a better handbag!  xoxo Jill

 Jill Channels Kate

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